ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME?!?!?!?

Joseph and I are fairly naive. We anticipated there would be a few challenges in parenting adopted children. One of the challenges we did NOT anticipate was the continual stunting of our kids' academic growth by well-meaning, albeit misinformed, educators. I went to a parent teacher conference today for a child who shall remain unnamed (but anyone who knows me and my family will know exactly who I am talking about). This particular child has the same teacher for 3 classes. They are a math lab, science lab and english lab. These labs are designed to fill in the learning gaps so the M can function closer to grade level in her 7th grade math, science and english classes. I asked the teacher how she was doing in class. I was informed that M is fun, sweet and just wonderful to have in class. "That's nice", I said "how is she doing with her work?". "weeellllll........." Turns out that she is missing several assignments and has turned in work that she has obviously made a a minimal effort on. So those "B's" she got on her mid-term. Yeah, they were actually "F's". The teacher "just didn't have the heart" to put an F on her mid-term so she gave her all of her missing assignments and assignments on which she had gotten poor grades and gave her extra time to make them up! This has been the story for the last FOUR YEARS of schooling! Teachers just love her smile and sweetness and so she gets grades that she has not earned. I want to tell these teachers that I expect K (who is in the same grade) to be able to "smile" his way to an "A" as well. WHY WHY WHY do they not understand that by not having expectations of M other than to smile and be sweet, they are doing her a disservice? Why do they not understand that she will never make academic progress as long as she is handing in 2nd grade level work (she is in 7th grade) and receiving good grades for it-when she turns in her work at all!?!?!?!? Why do they not understand that they M is playing them like a freaking fiddle and they don't even realize it? Ok, breathe, breathe, breathe. I will be meeting more teachers tomorrow and we will see how valid the grades in the rest of the classes are. Ok. Rant over. And out.

Fair fun!

So much for keeping up on my blog. Last Monday we skipped school and went to the fair. The kids had so much fun and I was happy to see them so happy. We saw a sea lion show, played in a cool science exhibit, saw lots of animals, ate lots of junky fair food and, of course, rode LOTS of rides. I can't wait to back next year and do it all again!

Real LIfe

Who am I? I don't know. Ok, yes I totally ripped that line off from Derek Zoolander and I laughed as I typed it. But I am struggling right now. For almost 4 years, life has been pretty tough and I keep thinking we are so close to turning a corner and having life get a little easier. But instead, every corner we turn seems to bring more challenges.

This is me 3 years ago:






Skinny, happy, content. We had finished our house. I owned a great business and made amazing money while working flexible hours. Life was good.

This is me today:



Overweight, broke and generally unhappy.

It seemed like life was so easy. It seemed that things were so easy. Oh wait, things were so easy. Joseph's business was thriving. My business was thriving. We both had church callings we loved. We built a big beautiful house and filled it up with kids. We looked at each other and said "we are so blessed. Where are all those trials everyone's always talking about?" Well, we found out. Boy did we find out. Our income is a third of what is once was. We now have more kids than we bargained for. We live in a falling-apart house that isn't big enough. We have to make decisions every month like, "hmm, do we buy groceries or make our car payment this month?" But worst of all, I feel like the more time passes, the more I lose myself. I don't even know what I want anymore. There are many things I feel like I am supposed to want. But these days all I want is to be able to go to the bathroom alone. I tire quickly of reading blogs and facebook posts that are like scrapbooks of everyone else's perfect lives. My life is messy and complicated and there are no vacation pictures because there are no vacations!!! I don't want to hear how blessed I am and I don't want to hear what a good person I am. If you do the right things with the wrong attitude, are you still a good person? If you wish for someone else to have all your "blessings" for a while, are you still a good person?

Is this a whiney, self-pitying blog post? Yes. But sometimes I just need and outlet to vent before I turn into this:

ch ch ch changes

It was brought to my attention that I have some new information to share. Even if nothing life-changing has taken place in our lives (it has), four months is a long time to go without blogging. I have made a end of July resolution (similar to the oft-utilized new year's resolution, but way better) to be a better blogger-in the hopes that I will garner thousands of loyal blog readers and make millions in advertising revenue. Or, at the very least, have some memory of this crazy time in my family's life. We have gone from a family of 10 to a family of 12. Is this permanent? I don't know. Do I want it to be? I don't know. Life throws these curves at us and I find myself wondering what our motivation is for all the things we do. We now have custody of my sister's two babies. DJ is 16 months and Isla is 6 weeks. I love these babies and I want to give them all the love, stability and opportunities they have not previously had. It is challenging raising the children of someone at whom you are so angry. The kids love these babies. I couldn't make it through the day without their help. Fetching me bottles and diapers. Holding babies while I make bottles. Taking the little kids on walks and to the park. Joseph is more ambivalent about the situation than anything else. I understand that feeling, though. It seems like life is just sweeping us along and we haven't had much say in the last 3 or 4 years about where it will take us. This is just another example of something that has "happened to us", rather than something we consciously chose. Don't misunderstand. I do love these babies and I want what is best for them. I don't begrudge them a place in my home, heart or family. But it also feels like no alternative was ever considered. The mindset of my entire family and everyone else we discussed the situation with was "of course Joseph and Kendra will take care of this". But is it what we want, or just what we know we should do? Just thoughts that occur to me in the seemingly endless hours I spend rocking, walking and feeding kids. I also feel that, for better or worse, I am judged because of our life and family. There are the naysayers, who can't understand why we would take on more kids when we already have "too many". We are irresponsible and thoughtless. Then there are those who (mistakenly) think we are some kind of saints who do nothing but sit around sweetly singing nursery rhymes and reading to these precious children while trying to conceal my halo so as not to make others feel inferior. Neither of those assumptions about us (me) is correct. I feel like I am having an identity crisis. I can't reconcile who I really feel like I am with the perception that everyone has of me, whether good of bad. Soon I will update with pictures and details of all our summer adventures (limited though they have been). But I just wanted to float that info out there and air my feelings. Wow, I can ramble.

I got nothing......

Why do people have blogs if they only update them every 2 months or so? Soooo annoying. Not much happening in the Baker World. People keep having babies. This makes me want to have babies. I am not having babies. If other people would stop having babies, I would be able to keep my procreative impulses in check. I have had some serious computer issues. It is a bad virus called Ewan. He tore most of the keys off one of my laptops, then he jumped on the other, cracking the screen. I am waiting for my desktop to be repaired/replaced as it is under warranty, so I keep having to jerry-rig my older computers just so I can get my internet fix (internet is a must for bill-paying). Still slaving away....at life. "Adam fell that men might me, and men are that they might have joy" and all, but I am still working on finding the joy. So now, I shall say 5 upbeat things to end on a positive note, because I really needed to update this blog, have nothing worthwhile to say so I may as well be happy while I say nothing worthwhile:
1. Kellyn is really getting into reading. She knows most of her letters, can write her name and is sooo excited to start kindergarten next year. She asks, almost daily, "Mom, do you think I'll be the smartest kid in kindergarten?"
2. Ewan is mostly potty-trained. He stays dry all night and during naps and naked most of the day (I guess it is just too much hassle to put underwear and pants back on. I know the feeling. Just kidding)
3. A new radio station here in Utah plays a lot of hair metal and we hear "Paradise City" almost every day on the drive home from school. Thus, another generation has been introduced to the joy and splendor of Guns N Roses. we rock out every day.
4. Joseph and I took a ballroom dancing class and are gearing up for another. It was more fun than we expected. We had a great teacher and Joseph actually really enjoyed himself.
5. We have dodged the orthodontics bullet for another couple of years because my kid are agonizingly slow at growing teeth. Sadly, both Kaydin and Trevin will certainly need them once they get all those grown-up teeth.

Good times.

Heartbreak

Kellyn is sick. I was up with her last night-in tears the whole night. But not for the reason you might think. I cried and cried because I had Kellyn with me on my lap, laying next to me in bed and I could give her medicine and rub her back and sing songs to her and reassure her that she was going to be ok. I am able to make her feel better. I am able to make her feel safe. There are thousands of children in Haiti right now, some in hospitals, some in orphangages and some, sadly, just wandering the streets. They are scared and hurt and have nobody to hold them and soothe them and reassure them. This earthquake has given new meaning to the expression "keeping me up at night". I literally can't sleep at night for worry and heartache for Haiti. One voice in my head says "you have brought 3 children out of Haiti, you are rasing money for them and are praying every day for them. You can only do so much". But the other voice is telling me "No! You can do more and you must do more! There is so much to be done and so much help is needed. Find another way to help!" But I am at a loss. I don't know what to do. But what I can say is that if anyone reading this has ever considered adoption, please think about it seriously now, and think about the Haitian children. If you are able, start the process. Take some of these children into your homes and families. I am still going to look for other ways to help, but for now I feel compelled to ask everyone to really think about the possibility of adopting from Haiti. If not adoption, do anything you can to help. These are human beings. They need our help. For more information on adoption, please visit foyerdesion.org.

PLEASE HELP!!!

Friends and Family,

As I am sure you know, Haiti has suffered a devastating earthquake. Three of our children are from Haiti and we want to do something to help. This country was unstable to begin with and the aftermath of the quake is catastrophic. With that in mind, we are having a bake sale. Jeremy Baker and his collegues at AutoSource have generously allowed us to use their building, so we will be at AutoSource all day Saturday and Monday with lots of yummy goodies to buy. Any little bit helps. Even if you are not interested in buying some of the best sweet rolls ever, stop by and say hi. AutoSource is just off the freeway in Woodscross (just barely north of Salt Lake). Please help the people of Haiti. Our children still have friends and family there and the family who runs the orphanage have lost their mother and sister. Additionally, their youngest child was kidnapped in early December and they have yet to recover him. Please help this family, this orphanage and people of Haiti by supporting our bake sale. Half the proceeds will go to Foyer de Sion and half will go to the Red Cross. To donate directly to the orphanage, go to foyerdesion.org. THANK YOU FRIENDS AND FAMILY!!!

2010-Bring it on!

2009 has come and gone
2010 is here
We'll have some laughs
And good, good times
In this brand-spankin' new year!

What does this new year hold for us?
Not sure, but we can guess
that 2010 will be, by far
the most awesomest year yet!

Kadyin will get the priesthood
A Beehive Maryn will be
And the young 'uns will be so well-behaved
with mom teaching in Primary

We'll have 2 junior high-schoolers
Off to kindergarten Kellyn will go
She'll dazzle every teacher
with all the stuff she knows

Rylynn will get baptized
these last 8 years flew by
She just keeps getting cuter
She doesn't even have to try!

Tristan & Trevin both turn 10
they'll be a decade old!
Fabiola will be 20
That's TWO decades (so I'm told)

Ewan keeps on growing
and in May, he'll turn three
He's grown so big! He runs and talks
and makes mom a little crazy

Joseph keeps on working
A giant mansion in Park City
He loves the work, although
he thinks the drive is kind of...crappy

So while we liked 2009
We think that you can see
2010 will be the best
In Baker Family History!