Just curious

I don't understand the need for using psuedonyms or initials in the blogging world. This is not a criticism, just an observation. I know lots (and lots) of people who, in their blogs, will not identify themselves, their husbands or their children by name. They just use initials or fake names. I know this is sometimes a necessity-like when protecting the identity of someone who did something really dumb or protecting the identity of a victim. That's cool, I get that. I tried this once. It was a post about being frustrated with Maryn's grades. And then I thought "This is stupid. Anyone who knows my family knows who I am talking about." Also, why do people make all their facebook pictures private-even to their friends? I probably wouldn't be bothered by it if I wasn't slightly voyeuristic. I like having an inside peek at others' lives. It gives me something to compare to and makes me feel more (or sometimes less) normal. But, if your blog is private and only open to invited users, bring on the pictures and real names, I say. I know many who will disagree with me-and that's fine. Like I said, it's not a criticism, I just don't get it.

Give me a break

I know this is way out of left field, since I haven't blogged in quite a while, but I needed to get this off my chest and facebook wasn't the proper forum on which to do so (you know, what with only allowing 420 characters. Is that really enough to properly rant and rave? I think not). I am so freaking sick and tired of seeing crap like this quoted, printed or posted on facebook:
Doesn't make much sense does it?? Our homeless go without eating .Elderly go without needed medicines. Mentally ill go without treatment. Troops go without proper equipment. Veterans go without benefits that were promised. Yet we donate billions to other countries before helping our own first. 1% will re-post and 99% won't . Have the guts to re-post this.I KNOW I'M in the 1% (Charity begins at home)

Really? Really people? If you think this, you are either ignorant or retarded; or a delightful combination of both. Here are some statistics for you to chew on:

U.S. military budget 2010: $663.8 BILLION
Health care (you know, for poor people)2010: $829 BILLION
Education: $159 BILLION
Veteran's affairs (and yes, this is separate from military spending): $87.6 BILLION
Homeless and Shelter projects: $48.5 BILLION

There are SEVERAL other programs that are funded by and available to U.S. citizens (literally, too numerous to mention); I haven't even touched private organizations like churches, salvation army, etc that assist with food, clothing, shelter and even Christmas presents. Now, you may not like our system; you may think it is broken or spending is out of control-I may be inclined to agree with you. Now ponder this: the United States ranks 18th in foreign aid committments. That means we contribute less aid than 17 other countries to the needy of the world, including Ireland, Austraila, Italy and Japan. Interestingly, we are FIRST in the rankings of all developed nations for national income. Some more statistics (because I love 'em)

U.S. aid to Haiti in 2010 (you knew this one was coming)$229 million (million, with an M)
U.S. aid for Global Health Care: $2.3 million
Foreign Economic Support fund: $6.5 million

I think we can safely put to rest the idea that the poor/homeless/veterans/soldiers in our country are suffering or going without because of our exhorbitant spending to help "those other places.". Have private citizens donated their own, personal, previously taxed by the U.S. money to help others in need? Absolutely, and good for them. Our country doesn't need more money donated in order to feed and shelter the homeless or arm our soldiers. We need to be more fiscally responsible and elect people to office that have some semblance of a brain. We need to hold our elected officials accountable for their spending of OUR tax dollars. Which brings me back to my original point, which I have a roundabout way of getting to because I think too much, talk too much, quote too many statistics and write too many run-on sentences. Is a person more deserving of compassion or help simply because they are a U.S. citizen? This attitude sickens me. I have children who, had they not been adopted, may have been recipients of some of that aid. I would not have begrudged them a single penny. Did those children choose to be born in a country with no clean drinking water? Could you honestly look a starving child in the eye and tell them they are undeserving of your help because A: the are not a U.S. citizen and B: We don't have the latest and greatest technology for our armed services (except, oh yeah, we DO!!)? Do not mistake my feelings as being anti-american or anti-military. I am as patriotic a person as you will encounter. I am also as compassionate a person as you will encounter. The two are not mutually exclusive. The fact that our veteran's don't have their benefits is not due to sending aid to other countries. Compassion is: a feeling of deep sympathy and sorrow for another who is stricken by misfortune, accompanied by a strong desire to alleviate the suffering.
I see no mention of qualifying factors such as nationality or race in that definition. Come on, people, stop reposting and regurgitating this mindless crap and think before you speak.

ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME?!?!?!?

Joseph and I are fairly naive. We anticipated there would be a few challenges in parenting adopted children. One of the challenges we did NOT anticipate was the continual stunting of our kids' academic growth by well-meaning, albeit misinformed, educators. I went to a parent teacher conference today for a child who shall remain unnamed (but anyone who knows me and my family will know exactly who I am talking about). This particular child has the same teacher for 3 classes. They are a math lab, science lab and english lab. These labs are designed to fill in the learning gaps so the M can function closer to grade level in her 7th grade math, science and english classes. I asked the teacher how she was doing in class. I was informed that M is fun, sweet and just wonderful to have in class. "That's nice", I said "how is she doing with her work?". "weeellllll........." Turns out that she is missing several assignments and has turned in work that she has obviously made a a minimal effort on. So those "B's" she got on her mid-term. Yeah, they were actually "F's". The teacher "just didn't have the heart" to put an F on her mid-term so she gave her all of her missing assignments and assignments on which she had gotten poor grades and gave her extra time to make them up! This has been the story for the last FOUR YEARS of schooling! Teachers just love her smile and sweetness and so she gets grades that she has not earned. I want to tell these teachers that I expect K (who is in the same grade) to be able to "smile" his way to an "A" as well. WHY WHY WHY do they not understand that by not having expectations of M other than to smile and be sweet, they are doing her a disservice? Why do they not understand that she will never make academic progress as long as she is handing in 2nd grade level work (she is in 7th grade) and receiving good grades for it-when she turns in her work at all!?!?!?!? Why do they not understand that they M is playing them like a freaking fiddle and they don't even realize it? Ok, breathe, breathe, breathe. I will be meeting more teachers tomorrow and we will see how valid the grades in the rest of the classes are. Ok. Rant over. And out.

Fair fun!

So much for keeping up on my blog. Last Monday we skipped school and went to the fair. The kids had so much fun and I was happy to see them so happy. We saw a sea lion show, played in a cool science exhibit, saw lots of animals, ate lots of junky fair food and, of course, rode LOTS of rides. I can't wait to back next year and do it all again!

Real LIfe

Who am I? I don't know. Ok, yes I totally ripped that line off from Derek Zoolander and I laughed as I typed it. But I am struggling right now. For almost 4 years, life has been pretty tough and I keep thinking we are so close to turning a corner and having life get a little easier. But instead, every corner we turn seems to bring more challenges.

This is me 3 years ago:






Skinny, happy, content. We had finished our house. I owned a great business and made amazing money while working flexible hours. Life was good.

This is me today:



Overweight, broke and generally unhappy.

It seemed like life was so easy. It seemed that things were so easy. Oh wait, things were so easy. Joseph's business was thriving. My business was thriving. We both had church callings we loved. We built a big beautiful house and filled it up with kids. We looked at each other and said "we are so blessed. Where are all those trials everyone's always talking about?" Well, we found out. Boy did we find out. Our income is a third of what is once was. We now have more kids than we bargained for. We live in a falling-apart house that isn't big enough. We have to make decisions every month like, "hmm, do we buy groceries or make our car payment this month?" But worst of all, I feel like the more time passes, the more I lose myself. I don't even know what I want anymore. There are many things I feel like I am supposed to want. But these days all I want is to be able to go to the bathroom alone. I tire quickly of reading blogs and facebook posts that are like scrapbooks of everyone else's perfect lives. My life is messy and complicated and there are no vacation pictures because there are no vacations!!! I don't want to hear how blessed I am and I don't want to hear what a good person I am. If you do the right things with the wrong attitude, are you still a good person? If you wish for someone else to have all your "blessings" for a while, are you still a good person?

Is this a whiney, self-pitying blog post? Yes. But sometimes I just need and outlet to vent before I turn into this:

ch ch ch changes

It was brought to my attention that I have some new information to share. Even if nothing life-changing has taken place in our lives (it has), four months is a long time to go without blogging. I have made a end of July resolution (similar to the oft-utilized new year's resolution, but way better) to be a better blogger-in the hopes that I will garner thousands of loyal blog readers and make millions in advertising revenue. Or, at the very least, have some memory of this crazy time in my family's life. We have gone from a family of 10 to a family of 12. Is this permanent? I don't know. Do I want it to be? I don't know. Life throws these curves at us and I find myself wondering what our motivation is for all the things we do. We now have custody of my sister's two babies. DJ is 16 months and Isla is 6 weeks. I love these babies and I want to give them all the love, stability and opportunities they have not previously had. It is challenging raising the children of someone at whom you are so angry. The kids love these babies. I couldn't make it through the day without their help. Fetching me bottles and diapers. Holding babies while I make bottles. Taking the little kids on walks and to the park. Joseph is more ambivalent about the situation than anything else. I understand that feeling, though. It seems like life is just sweeping us along and we haven't had much say in the last 3 or 4 years about where it will take us. This is just another example of something that has "happened to us", rather than something we consciously chose. Don't misunderstand. I do love these babies and I want what is best for them. I don't begrudge them a place in my home, heart or family. But it also feels like no alternative was ever considered. The mindset of my entire family and everyone else we discussed the situation with was "of course Joseph and Kendra will take care of this". But is it what we want, or just what we know we should do? Just thoughts that occur to me in the seemingly endless hours I spend rocking, walking and feeding kids. I also feel that, for better or worse, I am judged because of our life and family. There are the naysayers, who can't understand why we would take on more kids when we already have "too many". We are irresponsible and thoughtless. Then there are those who (mistakenly) think we are some kind of saints who do nothing but sit around sweetly singing nursery rhymes and reading to these precious children while trying to conceal my halo so as not to make others feel inferior. Neither of those assumptions about us (me) is correct. I feel like I am having an identity crisis. I can't reconcile who I really feel like I am with the perception that everyone has of me, whether good of bad. Soon I will update with pictures and details of all our summer adventures (limited though they have been). But I just wanted to float that info out there and air my feelings. Wow, I can ramble.

I got nothing......

Why do people have blogs if they only update them every 2 months or so? Soooo annoying. Not much happening in the Baker World. People keep having babies. This makes me want to have babies. I am not having babies. If other people would stop having babies, I would be able to keep my procreative impulses in check. I have had some serious computer issues. It is a bad virus called Ewan. He tore most of the keys off one of my laptops, then he jumped on the other, cracking the screen. I am waiting for my desktop to be repaired/replaced as it is under warranty, so I keep having to jerry-rig my older computers just so I can get my internet fix (internet is a must for bill-paying). Still slaving away....at life. "Adam fell that men might me, and men are that they might have joy" and all, but I am still working on finding the joy. So now, I shall say 5 upbeat things to end on a positive note, because I really needed to update this blog, have nothing worthwhile to say so I may as well be happy while I say nothing worthwhile:
1. Kellyn is really getting into reading. She knows most of her letters, can write her name and is sooo excited to start kindergarten next year. She asks, almost daily, "Mom, do you think I'll be the smartest kid in kindergarten?"
2. Ewan is mostly potty-trained. He stays dry all night and during naps and naked most of the day (I guess it is just too much hassle to put underwear and pants back on. I know the feeling. Just kidding)
3. A new radio station here in Utah plays a lot of hair metal and we hear "Paradise City" almost every day on the drive home from school. Thus, another generation has been introduced to the joy and splendor of Guns N Roses. we rock out every day.
4. Joseph and I took a ballroom dancing class and are gearing up for another. It was more fun than we expected. We had a great teacher and Joseph actually really enjoyed himself.
5. We have dodged the orthodontics bullet for another couple of years because my kid are agonizingly slow at growing teeth. Sadly, both Kaydin and Trevin will certainly need them once they get all those grown-up teeth.

Good times.