This is for Shannon and any of my other Wyo high school friends who read this. If you are not from or familiar with Wyoming, this isn't as funny - but it's still pretty funny.
WYOMING BARBIES
Jackson Barbie:This modern day homemaker Barbie is available with a Mercedes 4WD SUV, a Prada handbag and matching Nike Yoga ensemble. She has a masters degree and double-majored, but has the luxury of being a stay-at-home mom with Ken's generous salary. Comes with Percocet prescription and Botox. Starbucks mug and traffic-jamming Blackberry internet/cell phone device sold separately. Husband Ken is into fishing, golfing, baseball and is often "working late." Available at all Seattle-area Starbucks retailers.
Teton Village Barbie: This princess Barbie is only sold at Nordstrom. She comes with an assortment of Kate Spade handbags, your choice of a BMW convertible or Hummer H2 and a long-haired foreign lapdog named "Honey." Also available is her Cookie cutter development dream house. Available with or without tummy tuck, facelift, and breast augmentation. Workaholic, cheating husband, Ken, comes with a Porsche.
Rock Springs Barbie: This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9mm handgun, switchblade, '78 El Camino with dark tinted windows, and a meth lab kit. This model is available only after dark and can only be purchased with cash--preferably small bills, unless you're a cop, then we don't know what you're talking about. Boyfriend Ken is in rehab. Available at many pawn shops.
Rawlins Barbie: This tobacco chewing, brassy-haired Barbie comes with a pair of high heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased Beer Gut Ken out of Cheyenne Barbie's trailer. Her ensemble includes low-rise acid-washed jeans, fake fingernails, strawberry lip gloss and a see-through halter top. Purchase her Mustang convertible separately and get a confederate flag bumper sticker absolutely free. Boyfriend Ken is in the State Prison. Available at Army/Navy Surplus.
Cheyenne Barbie: This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler jeans 2 sizes too small, steel-toes cowboy boots , a Willie Nelson T-shirt and a Tweety Bird tattoo on her shoulder. She has fake fingernails, a six pack of Budweiser, and a Hank Williams, Jr. CD set. She can spit over a distance of 6 feet and kick PRCA cowboy Ken's ass when she is drunk. Also available is the gold-toned cubic zirconium ring Ken gave her after another one of his "episodes" with his boss's daughter. Comes with Barbie's Dream Double Wide Trailer. Available at Wal-Mart.
Gillette Barbie: Pregnant at purchase, this Barbie cones with a stroller and bus pass. Also included is a G.E.D. and a completely filled out food stamps form. Construction worker Ken and his '82 Caddy are optional. Available at Value Villa.
Laramie Barbie: This Barbie is made out of recycled plastic and tofu. She has long straight brown hair, archless feet, hairy armpits, no make-up, and Birkenstocks with white socks. She does not want or need a Ken doll. If you purchase the optional Subaru Wagon, you will receive a free rainbow flag sticker. Available at REI.
Lander Barbie: This versatile doll can be easily converted from Barbie to Ken by simply adding or removing snap on parts. Walks to work. Likes to "experiment," but will never commit. This model is being phased out and is only available from the manufacture.
Cody Barbie: This Barbie is a transplant from California and moved into the area to "get away from the big city." She comes with a 10 acre "ranch" on the South Fork and a 1-ton crew cab diesel truck that she drives the kids to school in. She moved here to live in the beautiful and low populated west, but now doesn't want anyone else to move here because they will ruin the area. Retired lawyer Ken comes with his own cowboy outfit so he can act like he is a local and "fit in." This model is sold at any main street art gallery in Cody, and there are several to choose from.
Green River Barbie: Comes in 2 choices, 1) See Rock Springs Barbie, 2)Comes with Ken and 10 children, minivan and Sunday best clothing. Optional LDS church and missionaries are sold separately. Available at any Deseret Bookstore. A free copy of the Book Of Mormon is also included with Choice 2.
Pinedale Barbie: Comes with oily coveralls, muddy work truck, can of Cope,and Tool-pusher Ken. Optional drilling rig also available. Sold at any roadside gas station.
Evanston Barbie: Comes with years of mental instability, and a straight jacket. Accessories also include a bottle of morphine, a bed pan, and an imaginary friend. Psychologist Ken is sold separately with Ken's happy-time psycho couch. Available at any hospital
Bridger Valley Barbie: Comes with 5 sheep, a llama, and her blue '82 Chevy pickup with a brown door. Boyfriend/cousin Ken sold separately. Available at any feed store.
3 comments:
That's hilarious! I should add an attachment for Byron! That would make it well rounded;)!
Hey- yeah... Brensyn is just starting to wear 2t, it's girls stuff that we're getting rid of that's bigger. I do have some 18-24 if he will fit into it by the next time we see you!
Hello Kendra! Just finally catching up with everyone. So good to hear from you.....we should catch up sometime, what are you guys doing in Layton? Talk about the old days! Reminds me of when I was in massage school and you were VERY prego with your first....werid! Hope you are good. If I am ever down that way I will call you. If you are ever up this way you better do the same!
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